Recently, I spent four weeks traveling as part of the “Are You Listening?” Tour with Emery, Queens Club, Sent By Ravens, and Kiros. I can now say I’ve lived among 24 guys for 4 weeks, driven through 21 states in the same amount of time, spent 34 consecutive hours confined in a van with 6 guys, perfected something I’ve dubbed the “WalMart shower,” received quality medical care in a WalMart, learned to play craps in a tour bus, and laughed until I cried for 30 consecutive days. In a world that very much belongs to boys, this group of boys welcomed me into their lives with minimal and appopriate levels of sass and (dis)respect.
While I was immersed in this world, Kim decided to interview me. Here are the results-
So tell us a little bit about yourself. Can we get it in pro-con list format?
I’m a perpetually single (con) 26 year old (con) “merch girl” (pro? con?) with a college degree (pro) and the inability to secure a graduate school acceptance for longer than 6 hours (con).
[POST-TOUR UPDATE: I just secured a position in my top-choice graduate program! (ULTIMATE PRO)]
I’m both intentionally and unintentionally awkward (pro AND con). I got a B in physics, having avoided studying or learning anything about the subject other than light exhibits properties of a wave. I even got an A+ on an exam I took in the midst of another tour (pro). I am thus far unable to pass or complete a course in organic chemistry (con). I’m in the process of diligently crossing items off my bucket list, due in large part to my “profession” as a merchandise “manager” for Sent By Ravens (INC!) (pro).
Did you think 5 years ago that you would be living part-time out of a van with 7 guys?
I never knew one COULD live in a van, with the exception of that one down by the river. Honestly, five years ago, I was living in Pennsylvania, attending an all girls college and planning to apply to veterinary school. Attending shows and traveling with a band wasn’t even on my radar, let alone a goal. But I’ve since learned that plans are for fools, and you should take opportunities as they arise. I truly never thought I could have such an enjoyable ride down a path with no set destination. I feel very fortunate to have been “adopted” by these particular guys.
What would past you have thought about future you if you had told her this?
Past me would have called current me a tramp with no direction in life. But past me had no sense of adventure or bravery or knew the fine art of sarcasm, so… suck it, past me!
[POST-TOUR UPDATE: Past me is a fool, current me is very prepared to live out of suitcase during grad school travels BECAUSE of this tour. Once again, suck it, past me.]
What is the best meal you’ve had on tour so far?
Once a week, my dad buys us all dinner, so I will go with the final dinner of tour at Carrabba’s with Queens Club and Sent By Ravens. It was so unusual to eat in a decent place while on tour, and I couldn’t have asked for better dinner company. Other memorable dinners included the first Dad Dinner (Outback in St. Louis) or a dive place called Hoot N Howl somewhere in Wyoming. (Thanks dad, you’re the jam, the sugar in my coffee, the bee’s knees!)
How does the driving work? In shifts? What’s the furthest you’ve had to travel between gigs so far?
We all take turns driving 3-4+ hour shifts. There’s no set rotation, but a few of the guys drive more than the rest of us, simply because they get too antsy riding in the van. I get asked this frequently, but I do actually get to drive the van and trailer. And I don’t want to brag, but I will, and I will say that I can back up the trailer like a pro, but I do better without the boys heckling me like the brothers they are.
Me: Jon, move over.
Jon: NO! I WANT THE WHOLE BENCH SEAT!
Me: I’m sorry, I just spent 10 hours in a bunk, so move over.
Jon: I’m sorry, I just spent 5 hours driving.
Me: I’m sorry, you’ve only driven 3 times this entire tour and I’ve driven 3 times more.
Jon: I’m sorry, I’m in the band.
Zach: Technically, she’s been in the band longer than you. She has seniority.
The longest drive was definitely the one from Atlanta, GA to Gillette, WY. It took about 34 hours and we drove straight through, with short breaks spent eating, playing paddle ball, or giving each other fake shark tattoos I bought at Cracker Barrel. The other drives between shows have been quite long, 7-14 hours on average, but by the 32nd hour of driving, we were all absolutely batty, and not even a game of Apples to Apples could tame us.
Zach: We should go see Rushmore when we drive through South Dakota.
JJ: What’s that? A small creek?
Ever gotten any strange propositions, working as a merch girl in bars?
Until this tour, I could say no, save for the occasional guy staring down my shirt as he slips a single dollar bill into the tip jar. But somehow along the way, I suppose through social networking sites, I’ve gotten on the fan radar. The drummer has been asked several questions about me on his formspring account. In Seattle, a girl whom I’d never seen before, nor met, approached me to tell me she and her friend, who lives in Texas, want to start a fan club for me and that most guys aren’t deserving of me, so I should consider switching teams. This led me to reconfirm that I’m 183% sure I like guys, not girls. Never girls. I definitely get the curiosity, I’m living in very much a “boys world” but I’m not selling shirts and CDs to become famous, so it’s been a bit off-putting.
Do you have any favorite guilty pleasure songs?
We’ve all been listening to Queens Club’s Young Giant album. They’re Sent By Ravens’ label mates on Tooth & Nail and they’re also on this tour, and I can’t say enough nice things about them. We’ve been having sleepovers most nights, and the guys in both bands dream of someday touring in a double-decker bus together.
[end blatant promotion for another band]
My main guilty pleasure is the Glee soundtrack. Yeah, I’ll admit to it. Sometimes, when I drive, I make the boys listen to it.
What does a typical day look like on tour (eating, sleeping, rocking out)?
It varies day to day, depending on how long the drive is between shows, but we usually wake up around 9- 10am, I try to shower (whether that be in someone’s house or utilizing baby wipes and a WalMart bathroom), and then hit the road to the next show (often, we drive to the next stop the night before, or at least try to get halfway). This band makes HEAPS of bathroom and food stops, more so than any other band I’ve ever encountered. Usually, the band has to be at the venue at around 3-4pm. While they’re setting up their equipment, I’ll set up the merchandise display (”merch table”), do inventory, etc. Then we’ll usually go grab something to eat before the doors open. I stay at the table most of the night, in case any one wants to buy a shirt during the show. (That’s actually where I am right now, as I type this.) The boys make their way to the table throughout the night, but all gather here after the show to meet the crowd and talk to people and generally harass me. We usually leave the venue by about midnight, making the requisite “post-rockin-out” food stop before starting the night drive. That’s essentially the day, and it’s repetitive enough that days blend together and I honestly thought it was Sunday all day today. [It's Tuesday.]
So you just appeared in a music video for Sent by Ravens. Having taken a page out of the video vixen playbook, what’s next? A instructional book series?
I’d like to author an instructional book on how to be a merch girl without sacrificing your dignity. Girls! Be the girl who gets to go on tour, not the girl that is talked about on tour! And it will be a pop-up book.
I’m going to ask the tough questions. I hear you have a beef with the ocean; were you involved in the Gulf oil spill?
Just because the ocean cockblocked my attempts to attend grad school does not me I’m a contracted consultant for BP. How dare you?! I would love to clean oil off of otters though, but apparently you need a M.S. degree for that. Sorry, otters!
[POST-TOUR UPDATE: Otters, give me about 18 months, and I will know enough to de-oil you!]
On a lighter note, do you have a favorite tour moment so far?
The Seattle show was probably my most favorite day so far. We drove all night to get there, and I woke up in the van at 5am as we were driving along the water. We ate our weight in donuts from Top Pot, walked around the city, were treated to lunch by the guys’ A&R at the label, and then the guys played an amazing show at El Corazon. But my most favorite moments happen daily, when we’re all just hanging out and guys from multiple bands are ganging up on me. Dane and JJ tried to give me Cheez-Whiz filled Oreos once. (WHO RUINS AN OREO?) and the entire band stood in front of me while I was cat napping at a venue and screamed at the top of their lungs. We also went ice skating at a mall in Iowa City, and everyone pretended to be Apollo Ohno.
And in Columbia, MO, we rented scooters for $10 and zipped around the city, to include inadvertent detours on the highway.
I’m sure you have a least favorite…?
Waking up in the van under a boiling sun and having to “shower” in a Wal-Mart bathroom is not ideal, but it’s still an adventure. Also, driving 34 hours while fighting a nasty head and chest cold wasn’t the greatest time, and finding a doctor to prescribe antibiotics for 3 separate upper respiratory infections was also a bummer, but it’s hard to focus on the negative when you’re traveling the country with your best friends. I’m here by choice (not force, as the guys would have everyone believe), so I choose to enjoy every moment.
Me: I don’t wanna get all of you sick, maybe you should’ve left me behind in GA.
Zachy: You think it’s too late to do that? That’s cute.
You recently got your first tattoos. Any more in the works? Piercings?
I don’t know that I’ll get any more tattoos any time soon. The ones I have were ones I’d wanted for years, and I don’t have any more ideas. Also, I have this crazy idea that someday I’d like to be a legit professional adult and I’m sure full sleeves are not a pro for the professional world. I do miss my nose piercing though, I felt like I fit in much better on tour, but my nose felt otherwise. I’m pondering those stick on earrings that we all rocked in the 90s.
Sources [judgmental strangers, grandmothers] tell me you’re a whore. Can you address these allegations?
Sometimes a girl can travel with a band and live with a band and have no romantic history or future with anyone in the band. My life is such an example.
Me: Honestly, the thought of dating any of you makes me want to throw up.
The band, collectively and simultaneously: We feel the same about you.
And that’s why I was fortunate enough to be included in this glorious group of minstrels- I’m just a friend. This lifestyle does make it incredibly difficult to have any kind of dating or social life, but the single boys in the band can commiserate with me on this, so it’s not so bad. Well, the judging by strangers is kind of bad.
Finish the following sentences please:
When I am alone, sometimes I think about ___.
how nice a shower would be
how nice my bed would be
what the hell am I doing with my life and why is it so much fun?
I prefer my ___ with gravy on it.
mashed taters
life
Zach Galifianakis
The only thing Wyoming is good for is ___.
beautiful skies
negative amounts of cell phone reception
lots of plaid (not worn ironically) and pickup trucks
My ideal guy wears a size ___ and smells like ___.
that fits him (no muffin tops, boys)
clean (boys, showering involves soap!)
I hate it when the guys in the band ___.
pee in bottles (I’m holding it, why can’t they?)
fart excessively
play a game called “Lauren, your father will die in a fire unless you pick one guy from each band to be your boyfriend, who do you choose?”
Top bunk or bottom bunk?
Top bunk or seat, because I’ve seen Stepbrothers, I know what happens when you bunk beds to have more room for activities. Also, I’m too tall for the bottom bunks.
Having gallavanted all over the country, what is your favorite state so far? Least favorite state?
Wyoming and Montana were beautiful, despite their inability to maintain my cell service. Seattle was grand, and I wish we’d had more time to spend there. Oregon was also beautiful. And all those states had my ideal weather conditions- i.e. NO HUMIDITY.
I haven’t hated any of the places we’ve gone, but the midwest needs to get it together and fix their potholes because it is not enjoyable to be bounced from a bunk in the middle of the night. Also, we are currently in Alabama, and I truly have not missed the humidity.
What in the nightmare hell does this look like ?
It’s an angry tiger covered in rabid grasshoppers. It also may be my next tattoo? Wait, no.
Just how much are you going to miss tour life/the guys when it’s over?
Once I’ve recovered from the lack of sleep and gotten used to consistent showers, I’ll probably slip into a deep depression and play Death Cab on repeat, only venturing from my room to nibble on crackers and stale cereal. Honestly, I’ve been counting down the end of tour since the day we left, but not in an anticipatory way, but more in a “aw, man, we only have 6 weeks of tour left!” I truly miss home, but I will also miss touring.
[POST-TOUR UPDATE: Which is why I’m going to study in a graduate program that is 80% travel.]
Of course, least but not least, do you have a message for your fans?
(Aw, that’s cute that you think I have fans.)
I would like to make it abundantly clear that I have never dated any of the guys, never will date any of the guys, and am not remotely interested in any of them in that way. Their wives and girlfriends are some of my closest friends and the guys themselves are like brothers to me. Being a merch girl is the equivalent of retail sales + sass + bullying + assistant (to the) tour manager + life coach + personal assistant + little sister, emphasis on the little sister part. But honestly, any fans I have are really just fans of the guys, and SBR fans are the nicest group of people who have been so incredibly supportive. Any success the guys have is because of their hard work and the support network they have
[POST-TOUR MESSAGE TO THE GUYS of Sent By Ravens- thank you for adopting me into your band family, and inspiring me to make bold life choices (the same bold life choices that are causing my immediate retirement from merchandise manager as I move to a far off and distant place to get my master's degree and pursue my passions) and teaching me to be kind and loving and forgiving of others, but to be that person with a dash of sass and a smattering of sarcasm. Life is better when you laugh, always. Y'all mean the world to me, and I can't wait to see where you go in life, I can't wait to read about it on twitter.]